I am sad.

I wish people cared more. Even if you showed me the smallest ounce of concern I would be happy. I feel like I am always listening to other people go on and on about what THEY have to say about their problems all the time, but no one seems to have any interest in what's bugging me. Everytime I try to talk to someone about something that's on my mind, I feel like the subject gets changed pretty quickly. That really hurts.

Sorry, I know that sounds incredibly uncalled for and very selfish. Actually that sounds very very selfish. Sorry sorry sorry. It's just how I feel right now. Maybe I'm just sad that Greg leaves for Japan in 2 days. But no one really seems to care about how I feel about that anyway. I feel like I'm being ripped apart.

Alright. I am done being bitchy and angry. I apologize for the tone of that last post (angst!).

But I am still uncertain with the whole relationship issue. Distance does, in fact, affect relationships. It will certainly be a test! But love = love. And trust = love. And God = love. Therefore, Trust = God = Love. :-)

ANYWHO, I am feeling good! I have just e-mailed Imai-sensei the tutoring guide she asked me to write...um.......2...months...ago...*wah!* But whatever. At least I'm not sending it in August or September etc. when I won't even be in the country. That community service was definately a..............experience I will never forget.

Weight loss update! I almost started crying tears of joy yesterday. Ladies and gentlemen....I have discovered that I am now a size 8. SIZE 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have NEVER been a size 8 before!! Always 9/10/11 depending on the line of clothing. I still haven't weighed myself, though. Guh. Why am I afraid of a scale? I am proof that you CAN reach your weight loss goal, no matter how difficult you may think it is. I could write a self-help book, lol.

Macy's was having a sale yesterday (which is why I bought my size 8 jeans!!!!!! wahooo!!!!) on most everything in the store. Which means *drum roll* I bought SUITCASES!!!! Suitcases which normally run for $250 EACH, but since luggage was 60% off, I paid $250 for THREE ENTIRE SUITCASES!!!

In other news, I am still very excited for Pennsylvania. But I hate airplanes. But Greg is worth the fear!

Blech. I feel like poop. And I'm very angry.

Although the week that Greg visited was amazing, I feel kind of......sad. He told me while he was here that basically JET has placed him on a fucking island off the coast of Tokyo. With a population of like...10 people. Which means it won't be easy to go see him and for him to come see me. In my mind this equates to RELATIONSHIP FAIL. Communication shall become almost nonexistent because I'll be doing Nanzan stuff all day and he'll be teaching. On a fucking island. A million miles away from me. The only sensible way to get to this island (which is volcanically active, by the way...) is by boat or plane but 1) Both are expensive and I'm anticipating not having much money in Japan due to not having much money now and 2) It takes 6 hours for the boat to get there not to mention it ONLY departs from Tokyo and it takes a while to get from Nagoya to Tokyo (travel time: 8 hours? 10 hours?). Our relationship? Fucked. At least in my mind. Greg is optimistic (which is a surprise) but I'm only thinking about losing the one thing I care about most. Thanks Japan and JET. You've been a wonderful help.

Gripe number two. My fucking face looks like a battlefield. I've been breaking out uncontrollably since March so my dermatologist prescribed an antibiotic for my face. With piles and piles of other acne creams and medicines on top of that. I hate my face. It was perfectly clear for almost 2 years then it explodes on me. Which means *drum roll* I have a HELL of a lot of medication to take with me to Japan. Which will inevitably become a problem due to the fact that carrying a year's worth of medicine (which I will NEED because Japan will probably not have the medicine for me) is illegal. So my mom and I have to write an appeal to her insurance company basically begging them to let me take a year's worth of my acne medication over to Japan because I wasn't blessed with a fucking perfect complexion like everybody else I know. I'm not going through puberty anymore!! Wtf, face???

Good news: I have continued to lose weight. I am not sure how much (because like most women I am terrified to weigh myself) but I can feel my jeans feeling even looser than before. At least while my face is exploding my body's behaving.

I am also going to visit Greg in Pennsylvania from July 21 - 27! Which means I can see Reen and Joani! I am very very excited (just wish Megan was there, too). Greg and I have been talking about going to Philadelphia and maybe even DC for a day.

I am a emotional riddle at the moment. I can't be solved.