My apologies for updating so late, friends. I hope I haven't worried you!! I am back! And I've decided that I will try and update this more often. So stay tuned and keep checking for updates! :) So here is the newest addition to my blog:
Life.
I don't know if it's because I just turned 21 or because it's been raining for almost a full week straight, but, I have been feeling rather emotional recently. Every day I wake up, go to classes, come back, then do nothing until it's time to go to bed again. I feel like I could be doing so much more with myself, especially since I am in a different country. But there's a catch: it seems as if the days pass so quickly here. I feel like I don't have enough time to do anything. And then I wonder: did the 18 years I spent living at home go to waste? I feel like all I did for most of that time was make my friends and family so upset. I made so many terrible choices and so many terrible things happened happened to me and my family. So I should be happy to be on my own, right? Wrong. More than ever I want to go home and be with my family. I don't want to be at Nanzan anymore. I don't want to go back to Wittenberg. I want to go home. Being here in Japan made me realize how much I absolutely want and *need* to be with my family while I still can. So I've decided: after graduating I am NOT coming back to to Japan. I am NOT working out of the state of Illinois if I can help it. I want Greg and I to get married and raise our children where I grew up. I will leave the moving-far-away thing to my brothers. I want to be near my family as long as I can. Japan has really made me realize this.
Changes.
I will warn you. Japan has made me a very bitter person. And a better person. I guess I have become a little more opinionated and stuck-up when it comes to grades and, on a more superficial level, fashion and make-up. Although opinionated and stuck-up are definately 2 bad things, I can say that I have *finally* grown a backbone. And if you piss me off I *will* let you know. And if you are pompous, I will be mean to you. Some people say I am quite intimidating and mean. Good. I plan to keep it that way.
Also, as of last year January, I have lost a total of 30 pounds. As a result, I have completely changed my image. And although my acne can be a confidence killer at times, never in my entire life have I felt so good in my own skin. And although I have really come to dislike the Japanese, I have learned to accept the fact that they are a different breed of people with different beliefs and different opinions. They can still go fuck themselves.
Travel
But let's change the subject to something a little lighter, shall we? What have been some of the travels I have embarked while in this god-forsaken country?
Well, for one thing, I went to Kyoto and Osaka a few weeks ago. It was really nice. It rained a lot in Kyoto but that didn't stop me from having a good time. Kyoto really isn't a big deal. It was kinda dirty and not what I expected it to be, actually. But I was with Greg so nothing else mattered. We explored what we could and had a nice time. Osaka was pretty nice too. I would like to go back sometime before I leave the country if possible. It reminded me a lot of home so maybe that's why I liked it so much?
Upcoming trip: Tokyo and Okinawa. This Friday afternoon signals the start of my spring break, so what a better place to explore than Okinawa? Please pray it doesn't rain! I am going to explore a little bit of Tokyo too. But I will be in Okinawa from the 14th - 17th.
Friendship
I love Europeans. They seem like the only group of people here who don't fall under the category of "freak" or "geek." And so I have become friends with them. Now I can have real conversations again that have meaning. Being in Japan made me realize how much I want to go to Europe. I have only one American friend here in Japan. Somehow I feel proud of myself for this accomplishment. I love my European friends so much.
However, I do have one friend who really makes me feel loved and makes me feel like I actually *am* a good friend and an important person for the first time in my entire life. That person is Vanessa. Throughout her break-up with Preston, I tried to make sure I could be there for her. Now the roles are reversed. Now she has to listen to me as I cry with longing for Greg, for home, for a different life, for a hug, for normailty. Never have I felt so blessed. She helped me find who I really am. And I couldn't be happier.
Relationship
I have fallen so so so so so so deeply in love with Greg. I am so happy. Greg is someone I can see myself loving forever. He has been there for me through everything. Although I only see him once a month, those few days we do see each other I consider to be the best days of my life. Every e-mail, every phone call, every kiss, every hug. After everything I stop myself and think "wow....this really is love." Throughout all the bullshit I have to put up with in this place, he is the only person who makes me feel like I'm worth something. There is so much more I could write here but I won't. Fall in love. That is my advice to you.
Japan
It's changing me.
I promise the next blg post will be less emotional. This is the me of right now.
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